Look past it
by Ivy-Parker
Summary: Now... Are you going to be nice to each other? "Sirius asked, James nodded, and Lily gave him an evil look, "Evans, this is simple, you be nice, I release you, now! who's up for some scrabble? "Lily screamed, and dropped down onto the floor. JPLE!
1. Chapter 1

"Ok, so…. Talk to me"

"I don't want to talk about it…" He sighed sadly, his hair flopping over his eyes pathetically

"Of course you don't, she just bitch slapped you! But as much as you don't, I am incredibly capable of forcing it out of you!" Once again his friend sighed, what a loser thought Sirius, who once again was playing the agony uncle, the father hen, the salt witch needed the pepper, the hammer to help the nail, as he had to _every fucking day!_

"Consider it into your calculations that I can actually beat you at wrestling… if you remember" Sirius shuddered at the memory, which yes, he did have trouble remembering, the stupid twat had beaten him to a pulp, note to self, never, ever, _ever_, tell James that his hair is worse than Snapes, never!

"Its just that, every day, I put on that dashing smile just for her, every day, my heart beats just that bit faster because she walks into the room, every day, I tie my tie because she might notice that I look a tad bit smarter…" He sighed again and shuffled about on the squashy sofa,

"But James, you have about ten fillings in that dashing smile of yours, your heart beats faster because of your cholesterol, and your ties been ripped in half…so there might be, just might be a reason why shes never really looked twice at you..." Lupin butted in

James sighed, again, and Sirius rolled his eyes, this happened pretty much twice a week, James being incapable of breathing properly, Sirius eyes aching at the end of the day, Peter twitching and sweaking stupid suggestions, and Remus just reading (nothing really new there)

"James, look at me, what am I?" Sirius stood up and turned around so that he could take a look at him

"a prat?" Sirius sighed and then smiled, streaching his arms out

"No James... I.am.a.sex.god, thats what, or at least, thats what the pretty little girls in the Sirius Black fan club says, they also may have mentioned, my toned chiselled body, my fantastic complexion, and how my hair goes, but never mind all that, me.sex.god, those three words, so heres my opinion James,whether you want it or not, you get a couple of girls, three, maybe four, and have a threesome in the broom closet,the third floor ones the best, because the fifth floor one rattles, and Mrs Norris hangs around the second floor one, god the amount of time I used to get caught!" Sirius stared into space for a second, reminising , and then blinked hard, trying to come out of his trance

"James, can't you just give her a love potion?" Peter twittered

"No, I can't, Lily is already in love with me, shes just very unwilling to show it, and if i did give her one-"

"Well, because they're illegal, Wormy" Lupin finished of James' sentence, before he could say, "it would be like fake love" Sirius groaned, they really weren't getting very far on the tactics side of things

"Fine then, James, you leave everything to your fantastic, clever and romantic friends, got it? because I have a plan!" Sirius' eyes turned into slit evilly, and he cackled under his breath

"So what is this fantastic plan then" Lupin asked, with the feeling of terror, Sirius' plans usually included blowing something up,

"Muahaha... I- what?" Sirius clearly wasn't listening to his friends, and was making all sorts of ideas up in his head

"James has gone, i said, whats the plan, you dope?!" Lupin cried out, exasperated

"We, my dearest friends, are going to get James and Lily together, officially, got it?"

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Please R & R!!


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok, Boys. Wish me luck!" Sirius called out, the latest plan was initiating, and Sirius was scared, walking out of the dormitory, he thought of all the things that he had wanted to do before he died, and how he wished he had a will set up….

"I'm so sorry Sirius!" Peter cried back, Lupin rolled his eyes; this was just everybody overreacting, wasn't it?

"Sirius, it's simple, just keep her calm, and whatever you do, don't flirt with her!! You'll be attacked by her, and slaughtered by James…" Lupin shuddered at the thought of what happens when James' rage got the better of him.

This was operation number 1. Talking to her, it's simple, thought Sirius, ignoring the butterflies flickering in his stomach, I find Lily, inform her of James' love, she then realizes that she loves James too, she runs into the castle, finds him, big smooch, get married, has a kid, live happily ever after, all thanks to the great Sirius Black… yep, he motioned, that is what I shall be known as: Sirius Black: Sex God, Genius in every aspect, and a great matchmaker….

"Will you watch where you're going, you prick!!" Sirius shook out his thoughts and looked down, in front of him, was Lily Evans, the sexy, smart and incredibly… angered, crazy madwoman!!! This was the person James fancied, what was actually snarling away in front of him, was blazing, and roaring lunatic!!

"Well say your bloody sorry then!!" she glared at him with piercing green eyes, Sirius looked around him, praying for an escape route, but no, he was cornered,

"Lily!!" He smiled cheerily "Just the person I was looking for…sort of…"

"What are you blithering on about?" Why the hell isn't she blinking? Thought Sirius, her eyes were really starting to scare him; they never looked away, or blinked for that matter…

"I have the most amazing offer to give you, trust me, you'll love it! Walk with me won't you?" Lily stared at him for a moment, and before she could reply, Sirius grabbed her arm, and started striding down towards the lake; Lily pushed him away, and then started patting his chest, moving lower and lower…

"What in Merlins name are you doing woman??" She still didn't stop, but instead muttered something under her breath

"I'm searching you, I know you're up to something, so I'm checking if your wired, or holding dangerous equipment…." She continued to pat his stomach, and then moved onto his legs

"Ohhh… Lily, I didn't know you could be so kinky!!" In less than a second she stood upright and had slapped him

"Sweet Merlin woman!!" Sirius exclaimed, but once again grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the lake

"Now, kind, sweet, smart Lily, I have an offer for you to take" Sirius smiled, teeth still clenched "You have the fantastic chance to get your reputation as a teachers pet… Totally removed!!" Lily looked blank

"I'm not following you… And I'm not a teachers pet, I just happen to work harder than others!" Sirius ignored her, and carried on speaking

"Lily, If you go out with James, you shall be making a man… or boy, very happy, no seriously think about it, you,a great student, fun loving… sort of, and probably fantastic in bed, with James Potter, the child of whom all the girls, and boys fall for, of whom, I've heard is also great in bed… not as great as me of course, but still fairly average!"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes,

"First of all, Never, ever, say that I might be great in bed, don't even imagine it, or you shall have no brain! And I will never, repeat: NEVER go out with James, never!!"

She stormed of, and Sirius groaned and hit his head against a tree, muttering curses under his breath…

"Plan 2 it is then, Force…"


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius groaned and shuffled about in his sleep, pushing away the girl leaning on him, a dark shadow was cast onto him, and all around him was foggy, especially the voice that had entered into his strange and murky brain

"Sirius, get up you dope!" He squinted, desperately trying to make sense out of what had happened, but the world to him was still hazy, and full of figures which had no meaning to him,

"Jeez, how many did you have?" Sirius shook his head, and once again pushed away the scented body that was leaning against him, who squealed and dug their head deeper into his torso,

"You do realise that you have Lucy Stanmore's glasses on don't you?" He felt around his face, prodding his nose on the way up, to find the spectacles on his face, which happened to be broken, Sirius removed them from his face, only to see the world all to clear, In front of him was Lupin, James and a very shaky Peter, and one hell of a messy common room

"Whoa! Some party last night huh?" Sirius chuckled to his friends, who were attempting to help him up,

"No, It wasn't a party, it was just you, several bottles of fire-whiskey, and a handful or two of girls!" Remus exclaimed sharply, James grunted in agreement

"So how many _did_ you have?"

"Depends what you mean, girls or shots?" Sirius questioned straight back at Peter, who gave a shaky laugh, and went back to trying to tidy up the common room, Sirius flopped into a chair, only to groan at the headache that was coming on,

"Dear Merlin! this ones like a thunder storm!" He groaned to nobody in particular, the girl in the corner sat up and looked around her, not realising she was half naked, which nobody bothered correct, she gasped as she realised what she had done the night before, and hurtled of towards her dormitory,

"Okay, so just in case anyone asks, who did I sleep with, and was it anyone good?" Everybody groaned at this statement, yet Peter, determined for some acknowledgments, started the long list of names

"Lucy Stanmore, Jane Davies, Candice Boothing, Margaret Drassing…."

"… And Peter Pettigrew!" James joked, only to duck the hex that Sirius shot at him, Peter continued the list, which seemed to go on forever,

"Ok, Peter, it's starting to creep me out about the fact that you _actually noticed_ this amount of people, then _bothered_ to remember their names!" Lupin rolled his eyes and started to pick up the bottles of fire-whiskey that had been left on the floor from the night before,

"Anyways, Losers, I'm going to see if I can catch Lily out before lunch, I was thinking that if I pounce, maybe make her jump? But then of course I'd need to dodge that punch that would be coming towards me…" James frowned and carried on grumbling about his darling Lilykins whilst heading towards the portrait

"So, is there a plan coming on today?"

"Yes, My sweet Moony, today we are going to use force, ok? Peter, I want you to find rope, and possibly handcuffs, it can be the kinky sort if you wish, Lupin, I want a secluded spot, with a table, chairs, and a lampshade for interrogation, ok?" Sirius groaned once again at the sharp pangs thumping about in his head

"And what the hell are you going to do, laze around for the morning and give us orders?" Lupin fired at him

"No, moony, I am going to laze around, give orders, and rest a headache, that takes a lot of work you know!" Lupin rolled his eyes and walked of to complete his task, Peter looked up suddenly,

"Padfoot, what do you mean, _Interrogation_?"

"Well, My… Twitchy friend, this is the plan first off we- Oh crap!"

"My darling Sirius!! Were are you?" A young girl ran through the common room, were Sirius dived underneath a discarded table "Sirius?" Her sugary voice ran throughout the room, Peter stood gob smacked at the sight of the girl, she ran back out, still desperately searching for Sirius, who was brushing himself down after emerging from the table

"What was that about?!" Peter exclaimed loudly, Sirius smiled to himself

"That's the leader of the Sirius Black Fan Club, A.K.A Sirius is Sexy, club, which I've attended to the meetings a few times myself, quite often ending in a giant shagathon, but still…. She loves me, she even knows the length of my toenails!" Sirius joked, not sure whether it the rumours about that was true

"They're about 1.2 centimetres! Everyone knows that!" Peter smiled back to him, Sirius frowned, sometimes Peter could really scare him…

Later on.

Lily walked down the corridor, her long hair swishing behind her, shining in the bright sun that was radiating through the windows

"Ok guys, on 3…. One…. Two…"

"Sirius, I'm really not sure about this!"

"Shut up Remus, it's going to be fine, ok, THREE!!! GRAB HER!!!!"

Suddenly, in less than second, Lily was swept off her feet and being stuffed into a giant black bag, and being dragged about

"Sirius, we could be expelled for this!" Sirius groaned, Lupin had been making comments like this all day, and he was sick of it, this was so much better than plan one, just to _talk_ to her, but using force was perfect!!

"Get me the fuck out of here!!!" Lily screamed from inside the black bag that the three were carrying,

"See? She's having the time of her life in there!!" Sirius smiled; there was a grunt from behind them as Lily kicked Peter from inside the bag.

"Now Lily, behaviour like that is what may make James dump you!" Sirius yelled to the bag behind them

"Sirius be quiet, you're making such a scene out of this!" Lupin muttered to his friend, that was true, people were starting to stare, it wasn't normal for three boys, one with a bleeding nose, to be dragging a body bag across corridors nowadays, especially one with a live body in it.

"Ok, here we are, now put her in a chair, tie her up and maybe gag her… yep, defiantly gag her!" Lily started screaming, and urgently tried scratch Peter to death, who whimpered and scrambled under the table, Lily took this as a chance too escape, she pushed Lupin out of the way, and raised her hand to hit Sirius… and maybe kick him in the crotch, but Sirius, with annoyingly good reflex's grabbed her hand before she could hit him, and stood on her toes, so that she couldn't kick him

"Now, that is really not very nice, and to think I thought you were a prefect Miss Evans! And before you think about it, _Colloportus!_" The door squelched shut, and Lily let out a war like scream, and pushed her hands into her pockets

"Looking for something, _Mademoiselle_?" Sirius Smiled to her, With Lily's wand twirling in between his spindly fingers, before Lily could say anything, Peter scuttled in front of her, messily tying her up as he did so, Lupin groaned and put his hand to his head,

"Sirius, Seriously, just… think this through…. I really do beg you!" Sirius glared at him for intervening in his marvellous plan,

"Never!!! Especially, since you decided to point out that my name does sound a bit like serious!!" Everybody looked at his or her feet at this remark, nobody daring to question his observation, Lily started screaming for help again, praying, that just somebody, anybody, would help her. The door was suddenly blasted open, and through the smoke stood…

"James?? Oh Frick!! So you tied me up, to get me to go out with James?!" Lily groaned to herself, never, repeat: Never walk alone in the corridors ever again!!

"Well, LilyKins, at the sound of your voice, I will always be ready to help you… err… guys? Why the hells is she tied up?" Sirius looked at the others for help and nodded,

"Ok, we have a confession to make, a- Hey! Look at that!!" Sirius pointed to the ground, where everybody immediately looked

"What? What? I don't see anything!!"

"Ok guys! GRAB HIM!!!" Lily sighed as what happened to her was repeated: James was tied up, and thrown onto a chair,

"Sorry mate, but I wasn't sure about whether you'd go along with it or not!" Sirius breathed deeply, and noticed that it was his nose that was bleeding this time

"Go along with what?!" James glared at each and every one of the marauders, and then desperately looked at Lily for help,

"We're getting Lily and you together!!" Peter squeaked

"… By using force…" Lupin added, Sirius smiled, and then frowned, as James looked murderous,

"Black!! Wait 'till I get my hands on you!!"

"Really, Prongs! For the past six years, we have watched you as you have attempted to get the girl, and then, when we have a go, out the kindness of our hearts, you throw it back in our faces…" He paused for a second to flash them the puppy eyes look, and then continued "… Fuck it, we're going to have this one go, and then we'll leave you to it, ok? So… here we go, ok" Sirius breathed in and out deeply "Ok James, repeat after me…I, James Potter, take you Lily Evans, to be my wedded wife, with deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to his body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband, always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honouring God's guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband… ok?" Sirius looked around him, James, Lily, Peter, and Lupin were all staring at him, with their mouths slightly open, James cleared his throat,

"Ok… so… I, James Potter-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Lily shrieked at him,

"Oh, sorry lily, did you want to go first, ok so, repeat after me…" Sirius frowned as he tried to remember what he should be saying, "Yep, ok, I think I've got it, I, Lily Evans, take you James Potter to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love." Lily groaned as she realised that she wasn't going to get out of this room very easily, she was trapped "Quiet Evans, or soon to me Potter!!" Sirius snapped, "to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you, James Potter I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife… I think that's it, anyway! Ok lils, repeat" Sirius smiled to her

"No fucking way!!!" She screamed at him, whilst wriggling about in her seat, Sirius' mood damped suddenly

"Aw… but it took me ages to learn all that!! And I had to nick it out of the Library, because I've been banned from there!"

"Well, that's just tough luck, there is no way that I am marrying James like this!!" Something, deep inside Sirius' brain clicked

"Oh!! It's the way you look, isn't it? Do you think your ugly? Well, your not that bad… if you squint a bit anyway!" Lily screamed at him once more, and every one of the marauders, except James, pressed their fingers into their ears, but sadly, James couldn't, and he had to suffer the scream from hell.

"Dear Sweet Merlin!!! Will you stop woman!!" Sirius yelled at her, which surprislingly she followed his command

"Ok, So padfoot, whats the plan now?" Lupin asked sarcastically, Sirius thought to himself, if she refused to marry him, they wouldn't be together, meaning that his genius plan will have failed, which really wouldn't help him, or his friend

"I've got it, Lily, my kind, lovely, fantastically hot Lily Evans, my-"

"Quit calling her yours! shes mine!"

"I'm not yours or Sirius'!! you twat!!" Lily shrieked, Sirius was starting to panic, the one plan he was positive would work, didn't, he was out, empty, blank like a canvas, he looked at Lupin for help, who shook his head.

"Mr Potter!! Miss Evans! May I ask, what are you doing?" Sirius closed his eyes, begging to merlin that it wasn't who he thought it was,

"I- Professor McGonagall!" He heard Lily gasp, Sirius could see his blood beating though his eyelids

"I repeat, what is going on?" Her voice cut through the air sharply, and everybody was silent, all looking at Sirius, who opened his eyes and spun around,

"I... err... well..."

"We tripped Professor" Lily butted in, McGonagall raised her eyebrows pointedly

"You... tripped?"

Sirius almost laughed out loud, this was just what he needed, perfect! He could almost kiss James for fancying someone who was a head girl, but he figured that James would be rather displeased if Sirius showed his happiness through a motion like that.

"Yes, Professor... me and James both err... fell into this room... and got tangled into this rope, so Sirius, Peter, and Lupin tried to help us get out it! he...he..." They all looked at the teachers, whos nostrils had gone white, she pulled out her wand, and with a quick flick, they were freed from the ropes

"I trust i future, you shall be more careful with your footing!" She spoke sharply, and walked away, Lily looked at them with an evil look in her eyes,

"You so owe me!" She hissed, and stalked of, the boys all breathed out with relief, and Sirius started laughing under his breath, muttering to hisself

"Yep... and just wait for what we'll give you in return!"


	4. Chapter 4

Hi!! Tis me again!! ok, so it took me a while to write something but here it is!

Thanks for all your reviews, I am very grateful, and my friend commented on the fact that I know the wedding vows, I'm not desperate for marriage or anything, I just happen to know a vicar!

disclaimer: I don't own harry potter (wish i do though) Nor do I own any of the characters, apart from the odd few that I make up, Oh, and I'm not J.K Rowling!

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The great hall was packed with students, and confetti was falling from the enchanted ceiling, Sirius smiled inwardly, this had to be one of the best yet, it _had _to be, he stood on top of a stage, which had pink banners strung around it, and a deep red background, which was covered in hearts

"Roll up, roll up!!" He screamed at all the students "Get ready for the best date of your life! Its Sirius' Strong Sense!" The students frowned, okay, thought Sirius, so it wasn't exactly the best of names for his wonderful idea, but still at least they all knew that he could alliterate!

"Mr Black, what _do_ you think you are doing?" McGonagall's voice screeched in between the students

"Ah!! Minnie, my dearest friend!" Sirius yelled back to her

"I thought we were your dearest friends!!" Yelled a bunch of girls to him,

"Yep! But after what we did last night, well… friendships out of the question…" He winked at them; McGonagall went beetroot red, and stormed onto the stage,

"What in Merlin's sweet world is going on?" She shot daggers with her eyes at him, Sirius smiled at her, and turned to the audience, noticing that Dumbledore was also in the crowd, with a twinkle in his eyes,  
"Well, Minnie, that's what I was just explaining! This is my date… line… thing?" He trailed of, frowning "This is the chance in a lifetime for you, yep you! To get a fantastic brand spanking new girlfriend or boyfriend!" Sirius turned back towards McGonagall, who looked faint, and was starting to make strange noises in her throat,

"So, My darling Minnie, would you like to go first?" He asked her, First she looked at him, them to Dumbledore, who was laughing, along with the rest of the crowd, and then merely walked of stage, with her hand clutched to her chest

"Okay, so here's what happens, for only two galleons per person, you… get a makeover then blindfolded, and then have your voice magically changed to sound different, so that the person does not recognize you, and there you go! Start talking, and by the end of the five minutes you get with that person, you could have a new boyfriend or girlfriend!" The crowd cheered, it was mainly a bunch of desperate girls, and Sirius prayed, with all his heart that her friends had managed to drag Lily down there "So who wants to go first?" Peter and Remus walked into the crowd, each having to choose a random boy or girl, Remus came up first, dragging behind him a busty brunette, of whom Sirius had slept with several days ago,

"So! Whats your name and where do you come from?" He asked her, praying that she wouldn't mention the romp in the deserted charms classroom,

"My names Amanda, and I'm from Whitby!!" A few cheers came from her friend that were squished in with the packed audience

"Ok Amanda! Give us your cash and go behind there! You'll be made up to look even prettier!" Sirius winked at her, and eyed her up, Amanda simpered at him, "And now for the lads! Amanda will not know who has been chosen! So off you go love!" The audience cheered as Amanda walked off, ready to be made beautiful, Sirius only hoped that his plan would work, the girls behind the curtain weren't exactly skilled in the art of beauty, but they only wanted a bit of cash, so they were his best shot, Peter came onto stage next, dragging behind him... Severus Snape ,Sirius snorted out loud, not quite sure what to say

"So... err... whats your name, and err... where do you come from?" Sirius snickered to him, Snape glared at him, it was obvious that he was cursing Sirius in his mind,

"My names Snape... Severus Snape" He snarled, Sirius put his hand in his pocket to hold his wand... just in case, of course,

"Okay!! Well, sit at the table, the girls shall do you up! And then we'll get ready to go!"

"Can't I go behind the screen?" Severus asked him, but nope Sirius wanted to see him squirm in humiliation,

"Err... no, you wouldn't want the lovely lady to see you now, would you? Anyway! Whilst hes getting done up..." Sirius turned his back on Snape, who yelled out as one of the girls pocked him in the eye with the lip gloss (Though what it was doing near his eyes, Sirius had no idea) "And I shall explain what happens! Amanda shall come out, blindfolded, Mr Snape here shall have his voice magically changed, so that she has absolutely no idea who it is, and then she shall ask him 3... no! 5 questions!!" Sirius hands were starting to shake, this was just a tester couple, if it went totally wrong on James and Lily, then Sirius would have a bad reputation, and he couldn't have that now! Peter and Remus were gently walking Amanda out, who slowly (blindfolded) wobbled out, it was true, she had been done up, wearing a deep red lipstick and had had all of her spots magically removed, and also having her dark hair tamed into a long plait, she looked very pretty, Snape looked at her, shocked at how close he was to getting a girl...

"And now to change this mans voice!" Sirius took out his wand, and having to resist hexing him, magically changed his voice "Now speak!" He ordered him

"Hello!" A squeaky voice emerged from Snapes lips, Sirius burst out laughing, and Snape blushed as he was followed by the rest of the audience,

"Your first question Amanda..." The hall went silent, and all staring at the blindfolded girl, who was shaking, she said

"If you had to choose: Who's your favorite Smurf, and why?" The hall all laughed loudly, Amanda squeaked, Sirius moved away from his spot, to see Snapes reaction, he was blushing fiercely

"I would have to say... Jokey" Snape blurted out

"And your reasons why?" Sirius asked him, Snape glared at him

"Because, I would say that i'm a bit like him..." Snape looked around him expectantly, every person in the hall had a frown on their face,

"Okay... whatever you say..." Sirius muttered "And question 2. Miss Amanda!" Amanda was frowning in concentration, and Snape had beads of sweat trickling down the side of his face

"Say we were in a transfiguration class, and someone turned my nose into a cheese grater, one of my boobs into a smaller size, and make me have clown feet, would you dump me or stay with me and protect me forever?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, this girl has some serious issues, it was not normal for a brain to be full of these type of questions, sweat dropped of Snape nose, and his hands were shaking as he answered

"I would stay with you, but also try to help you find a cure for your... abnormalities" Snape hesitated at the last word, and the hall went silent as they waited for Amanda's reaction,

"Fine..." Snape breathed out deeply, the girl nose twitched as she was almost forced to smell his bad breath "Question 3... Have you ever had second thoughts about your sexuality?" The packed audience all seemed to lean in as they waited for his answer, "And tell the truth!"

"Err...well... you see... it was a difficult time..." Snape stuttered, the audience gasped, Sirius ran onto stage, desperate to get a proper answer out of him,

"_have you?!" _he yelled to him, the sides of his mouth twitching, Snape gave him the finger quickly,

"Yes... once... but for like a second!" He yelled as the pupils and teachers all started chattering quickly

"Anyway... onto question 4... " Sirius said in between laughs, this had to be his best day at hogwarts... apart from the day they blew up the school toilets

"Amanda... your question?" He asked her, she sighed, her head looking up as she thought of what to say next

"Marmite, do you hate it... or do you love it?" She asked, Snape frowned at her

"Love it!" He exclaimed happily

"Thought so... I could smell it on your breath!" She laughed

"And for the last question M'lady?" Sirius hurried forward and asked her, Snape bit his lip as she started to think again

"Um... err... Out of all the Marauders, which one do you think is best?" She asked him, Snape started to snarl, and there were gasps coming from the audience

"None... I hate them all!" He banged his fist on the table

"Nope! You have to answer!"

"Never!!" He yelled at Sirius, Amanda gasped,

"My! Mind you, I do like a man with force!" She reached over and stroked Snapes face, Sirius walked up to them and ripped of her blindfold,

"And now! Your Knight in shining armor!" He smiled, Amanda opened her eyes to see who she had been talking to, and gasped as she realised who it was,

"Holy crap!" She slapped him sharply and walked off, Sirius ran onto the stage again, this was just too good to be true, watching Snape be humiliated, _and_ making his best friends dreams come true

"Next up!!" Lily was pushed onto the stage and forced to walk over to Sirius "So... what your name, and where do you come from?" Lily growled at him

"My names Lily Evans, and I refuse to tell you where I come from, I've had enough of James trying to find out where I live!" She snarled, and was pushed by Sirius behind the curtain to get done up, then James walked on stage, with a giant smile on his face

"Hello James, what brings you here?" Sirius asked cheesily

"I don't know whats going on here, I just got pushed onto the stage to get set up with someone! Whom I do now know!" The amount of cheesiness in the air was overpowering, and James was all to happy to be forced down, have his hair faffed around with, and have his voice changed into a womens voice

"OK!! Bring on the girl!" He yelled to the girls behind the curtain, Lily was brought out, she looked stunning, her usually wild hair had been straightened into submission to be a long flowing mass that move down her back, she had a pink blusher on her cheeks and a pearly pink lipstick on her full lips, James gasped and sat back, Sirius smiled, this was going to be all to easy, Lily still didn't look happy, she sat down moodily and started to speak hurredly,

"Question one, In your opinion, what would be the best way for James Potter to die?" She said fiercly

"What is with the girls in this audience today? Why are they all asking such strange questions?" James asked Sirius, still saying it with a girly voice, Sirius shrugged and beckoned him to continue "Fine, To die of heartbreak, which he would if he knew you were doing this" He smiled at her

"Whatever, Question 2." Lily rushed on "Why is James Potter such a bighead" James rolled his eyes, and desperately searched his mind for a good answer,

"err... because he... hasn't yet reached... puberty?!" He stuttered, confused at the strangeness of these questions

"Question 3. Do you see me as a teachers pet?" James raised his eyebrows, and hesitated before he answered

"I see you as a person who works hard too reach her goals, but not as a teachers pet" He said, the audience waited, and they all held their breaths

"Good enough... I suppose, question 4." This time James started to sweat, and furiously wiping his forehead he waited for the question

"My question is... Have you ever dumped someone by saying "Its not you, its me!" and then telling the school that she's a controlling bitch?" Beats of sweat dropped down James' face face

"Yes, but then I realised what I said and fixed the situation!" James closed his eyes as he waited for Lily to slap him, scream at him, or worse, she hated it when people spread rumors or dumped people badly, but the strangest thing happened, she said:

"Well, thats good then" Sirius' eyes almost popped out of his head, and James seemed to be having trouble breathing

"Moving on, question 5" This was it, the last question, the one that could decide his fate, change his life forever

"do you always get your homework in on time?" She asked him, all the teachers in the hall let out a loud snort, and James goggled at her, not sure what to say

"Well, I've never been good at the whole er... deadline... thing, but with your help, I will pick up!" He smiled at her, still blindfolded Lily considered her options, to stay with him or go? She looked around

"Can I take off the blindfold now?" And before anyone could protest she ripped it off to see her date

_"Potter!"_ She screeched, James whimpered at the tone of her voice "How many times do I have to tell you to leave- me- alone!!!"

"But- but, a second ago, you were liking me!!" he whimpered, still in a girlish voice, Lily pulled out her wand to hex him, but decided against it, and ran out of the hall, James sat there, looking heartbroken,

"Another one of your bright ideas was it?" James asked Sirius

* * *

Hope you liked it!

Please R & R! And make any suggestions! I'm starting to lose faith in my ideas!!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi guys,

thanks for the reviews, the people who've asked me to look at their stories, I have, and think theyre fab!

Ok so this is quite a long chapter, and some of it, just you know, skip, and please tell me what you think in reviews and so on and so forth!

discliamer: don't own it, never will bah blah blah...

from Ivy!

* * *

Sirius blinked in the bright sunlight, it was a Tuesday morning, and since the dating incident, James had hardly come out of his room, but… once his new plan was put into place, everything would work out… except for the fact that his friends were refusing to let him try it out 

"There is not a chance of it working, ok?"

"Lily would kill you!" Sirius flopped back on the grass,

"Aw! C'mon guys! Its perfect, by the end of the day, they'll be shacking up in the broom closet!" Lupin and Peter shook their heads in refusal

"And anyway… I've made bets with pretty much everyone, that by next Friday, they'll be together!" Lupin stood up, and Peter looked at him in disbelief

"_You did what?!"_ Lupin screamed at him, Sirius looked up, realising what he said

"Wait… did I say bets? I mean… err…bats! I've made bats with everyone in the year… for cricket!" He stuttered at them, Peter seemed relieved, actually falling for Sirius' pathetic cover up

"No… you said bets…" Lupin said, "You… said… you've… made… bets…." He whimpered for a second

"Err… well… it's a big _big_ mistake!" Lupin suddenly turned fiery, and yanked Sirius up from the ground,

"You prick!! You! You!" He seemed lost for word for a second, and still with a grip on Sirius' jumper he started to goggle, rather resembling a goldfish

"How much money?" Peter asked, Lupin turned to Sirius, growling slightly,

"Err… I… only…" He trailed of, and Lupin's eyes suddenly flashed red as he made a dive for him "Look!!" Sirius pointed up at the sky "It's… err… a plane!" Lupin and Peter stared up at the sky, and Sirius took this as his chance to run away from them, and towards the castle

"What the hells a plane?" Lupin muttered

"Never mind that! He's escaping! After him!!!" Peter ran after Sirius, who was almost at the castle, Lupin followed, still looking for the mystery plane in the sky.

Sirius stopped at the library, panting loudly, he looked around to see how far away they were, and then for a hiding place

"Aha! They'll never find me in this… place… a… Li-br-a-ry…" He read the sign slowly, shrugged and slipped inside,

"What _are_ you doing?" Sirius spun around at the sound of the voice; it was Lily, who had a look of disbelief on her face "You do realise where you are don't you?" Sirius frowned at her

"Of course I do! It's called a library!" He smiled at her

"Fine then! What section are you in?"

"They have sections?" Sirius spun around to look at his surroundings, and gasped as he saw Lupin and Peter sprint past the door, Lily rolled her eyes and started t walk of, but was stopped as Sirius dived in front of her, forcing her to drop all of her books

"Wait!" Lily growled at him slightly "You do know you've psychologically damaged James, don't you?" A small smile spread across Lily's face as she bent down to pick up her books

"_Really?_ What's he done to show it?"

"Well, so far, he's attempted to commit suicide twice, and we've had to ban him from using his broom for one week" Sirius said to her, whilst passing a huge book to her

"So has he given up yet?" Lily asked him

"Dunno… he's banned me from the dormitory, he believes its my fault! Can you believe it?"

"Yes… why?" Sirius rolled his eyes; he'd gotten the same answer from everyone who he asked about it

"So…how do you get dressed and shower and everything?" Lily said to him

"Well… At the moment, I'm on my last pair of underwear, and to shower… I know the trick of getting into the girls common room… yeah that reminds me… do you sleep in your bra?" Lily gasped at him

"No!! It's a built in one in my shirt- I Why are you looking?"

"You do have a surprisingly big bust… sometimes it just… sticks out… I'm not a perve!"

"Yes you are!"

"Am not!"

"Are!"

"Not! Am tell your friend Alice…that she sucks her thumb" Lily frowned at him

"Fine… its noted, just… don't come into my dormitory, ok?" She stuck out her hand for him to shake, and just as Sirius was just about to take it, Peter and Lupin burst through the door, both thoroughly out of breath

"Gotcha!" Lupin panted to him, Sirius groaned to himself, and Lily looked at them all, trying to work out what was going on

"How the hell did you find me?" Peter looked at him, clutching his side from stitch

"We… -gasp-… looked at…-choke-… the map!" Lupin walked over to Sirius and started to drag him away from Lily, who caught up with them just as they were dragging him out of the door

"Wait! Has James really attempted commit Suicide?" Lily asked, and gasped as the marauders nodded, but then seemed to realise what she was doing and quickly smiled

"Well…just don't stop him next time, ok?" And she walked of, just as Peter and Lupin started to haul Sirius out of the room.

The next day

"James… will you let me in yet?"

"No!"

"Aw! C'mon! I need underwear! And I cant remember the spell to clean them!"

"Tough!" Came the quick reply, Sirius groaned as he heard James walk of

"Please?" no answer "Pretty please?"

"Nope! Nein! Non! Αριθ!"

"What?"

"That's English, German, and the Greek words for no! I have more!"

"Please? Παρακαλώ? Пожалуйста? Per favour?" Sirius asked him

"What?"

"Well… My friend… that is… Greek, Russian, and Italian!"

"And my answers still no!!"

"Ah… crumbs!!" Lupin came out of the room, and stared at Sirius, who had a flowerpot in font of him to maintain his dignity

"Let us never speak of this again… ok?" Sirius asked him, Lupin merely nodded and walked of, flicking his wand at Sirius clothes to clean them

"Oh! Thank god! And Moony for that matter!" he ran over to the clothes and started to dress himself, frowning at the girls staring at him, James walked out of the dormitory, glared at Sirius and walked out of the portrait.

At breakfast a silence was cast over the marauders, who were all awkwardly avoiding eye contact for each other, Lily came in the hall and sat in the only free seat, next to James, who shuffled about in his seat gawkily

"So… nice day… isn't it?" he asked her quietly

"Glorious… yes" She said back to him, reaching for the pot of porridge, Sirius smiled to himself, stood up, and got out his wand

"Guys, would you mind err… passing me the ketchup?" Both Lily and James reached out for it to pass to him

"Aha!" Sirius yelled out, and tapped their wrists with his wand, which suddenly became bonded together with a silver mist

"_What are you doing?"_ Lily snarled at him, it was actually surprising about how quickly her mood changed

"This is the new plan!" Sirius laughed at them, Lupin put his hands to his head and groaned,

"We agreed that you wouldn't do it!" He said to him

"Yes Moony, I did! And anyway… it wasn't me who did it… it was my wand!"

"What… exactly have you done to us?" Lily growled, her face bright red

"I have bonded you two together! By magic! It took me ages to learn the spell, I had to keep using Peter as a dummy!" He said to them, James' face lit up as he realised what was going on, Lily still looked furious,

"And how do we get it of us?" She glowered

"Ah…"

"_What do you mean ah?_" She screamed suddenly, the entire hall looked at them, Sirius whimpered

"Now you don't want to cause a scene Lily!" Lily yanked James up, her green ayes flashing

"_Cause a scene? I'll show you a scene!!"_ Sirius stared at her, unable to sya anything

"I-err… I'm to young to die!!!" He whimpered to her as Lily whipped out her wand

"Now Lilykins, violence doesn't solve anything!" James said to her soothingly, Lily shrugged him off

"You go to that Library, you dumbass… and you find the spell that fixes all this!" And with that, she walked off, dragging James with her

"C'mon, I've got charms!"

"But-but, I've got Defence against dark arts!" Sirius sat down as he heard Lily screeching

"_I don't fucking care if you've got Defence against darks arts next!!"_

Sirius smiled at his friends, whose eyes were wide,

"But… Sirius, you know how to fix it, we had to do what we did a couple of times!" Peter said to him

"Yes" Sirius snapped "And I've paid you not to talk of it ever again" reaching for the ketchup.

Later on…

It was transfiguration, and Sirius was late, he sprinted into the classroom, almost tripping over McGonagall, who had transfigured into a cat,

"Omf! Shit!" Sirius picked himself up, and looked around the classroom, were sadly, there was only one seat left… next to Lily and James. James looked incredibly happy, even if he was supposed to be in potions, and Lily looked murderous

"Come and sit over her Padfoot!" James waved Sirius over, who gulped and looked around him desperately,

"Yes…" Lily muttered sweetly, teeth bared "Come and sit over here… Padfoot…" Her green eyes flashing, and her fists clenched, Sirius walked over, sweating slightly, and sat himself next to James, who put up his hand for a high five, as well as yanking up lilys, which had its finger up, swearing at him

"So hows your day so far?" Sirius squeaked at them

"The best ever!" James smiled at him, but whimpered when Lily kicked his shin… hard

"And as for you Lily?" A mere growl came from her, as she tried to turn her aloe vera deodorant into an aloe vera plant, Sirius looked in front of him, he had a tube of apple lip gloss placed in front of him, for Sirius to turn into and apple

"So… James, Did you err…try the beef roast for lunch?" James was just about to reply, when Lily butted in

"No… I forced him to eat a salad… he threw up"

"Im starving!" James whispered to him

"Whats that James, darling, Aw… C'mon, were _bonding_ we can't have any secrets here!" Lily smiled to him, James looked at Sirius for help, and went back to his coconut body scrub (for him to turn into a coconut, not to wear, but coconuts do smell nice, in my opinion)

"Um… its nothing" He mumbled, Sirius looked around, the whole class had their eyes fixed on Lily and James, and they were all making bets with each other on how James might die, James started to sing under his breath to help him concentrate, Sirius groaned…_ Fatal, _Lily looked up

"Whats that your singing James?"

"I…nothing!"

"No! Go on sing it to the class!! _Sonourus!"_

"Err…ok…" He said loudly, as Lily looked at him expectedly, James cleared his throat

"_Hey hey, you you _

_I don't like your girlfriend _

_No way, no way _

_I think you need a new one _

_Hey hey, you you !_

_I could be your girlfriend _

_Hey hey, you you!_

_I know that you like me _

_No way, no way! _

_I know it's not a secret _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I want to be your girlfriend _

_You're so fine _

_I want you mine _

_You're so delicious! _

_I think about you all the time _

_You're so addictive! _

_Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright? _

_feel alright, feel alright, feel alright _

_Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious _

_And hell yeah I'm the motherfuckin' princess _

_I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right _

_know I'm right, know I'm right, know I'm right_

_She's like so whatever _

_You can do so much better _

_I think we should get together now _

_And that's what everyone's talking about _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I don't like your girlfriend _

_No way, no way _

_I think you need a new one _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I could be your girlfriend _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I know that you like me _

_No way, no way _

_I know it's not a secret _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I want to be your girlfriend _

_I can see the way _

_I see the way you look at me _

_And even when you look away I know you think of me _

_I know you talk about me all the time again and again _

_(again and again, again, again) _

_So come over here and tell me what I want to hear _

_Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear _

_I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again _

_(and again and again and again) _

_'Cause she's like so whatever _

_And you could do so much better _

_I think we should get together now _

_And that's what everyone's talking about _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I don't like your girlfriend _

_No way, no way _

_I think you need a new one _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I could be your girlfriend _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I know that you like me _

_No way, no way _

_I know it's not a secret! _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I want to be your girlfriend _

_Oh _

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger _

_'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better _

_There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? _

_She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'? _

_Oh _

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger _

_'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better _

_There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? _

_She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'? _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I don't like your girlfriend _

_No way, no way! _

_I think you need a new one _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I could be your girlfriend _

_No way, no way _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I know that you like me _

_No way, no way _

_I know it's not a secret _

_Hey hey, you you _

_I want to be your girlfriend! _

_No way, no way! _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I don't like your girlfriend! _

_No way, no way! _

_I think you need a new one! _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I could be your girlfriend! _

_No way, no way! _

_Hey hey, you you! _

_I know that you like me! _

_No way, no way! _

_I know it's not a secret! _

_Hey hey, you you!_

_I want to be your girlfriend! _

_No way, no way! _

_Hey hey!!"_

The whole class started to laugh, and even Mcgoangall let out a chuckle, James blushed furiously and sat down, Lily started to clap, with James' hand still connected, Sirius looked at James, who was desperately thinking of something to say, Sirius stood up to address the class

"_Sonorous_" He pointed his wand to his neck "Ok guys! So you found out about our charity… thing, every one off the maraurders has to sing a song in a class! James has done it! And soon it shall be Peter, singing something in divination, then Remus in muggle studies, and then me! In quidditch practise, and lastly, for a treat! All of us in the great hall! And also we shall be accompanied! By none other than Lily evans!!" He yelled to the class, James let out a sigh of relief; this way he wasn't the only stupid person in the room, Lily yanked Sirius down,

"_Wht do you mean, accompanied by Lily evans?!"_ She whispered furiously in his ear

"I mean, that you shall sing with us! Whether you like it or not, you shall be on that stage, singing… I shall decide the song, we meet up next lesson, ok?" Jame snodded, and Lily gasped,

"Your not saying that were going to skive of are you?"

"yep!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"_Never!!"_ she snarld at him

"Whats the charity?" Mcgaonagall asked the three of them

"What?" James replied, totally dumbstruck

"You said you were doing this for charity, wich one mr potter?"

"Er…"

"Dragons for life!" Lily piped up "Yep, dragons nowadays are classed as horrid creatures, so… we want to stop all this and let the world know that they are kind, sweet… beasts" She trailed of, deep in thought, the bell rang and Sirius grabbed James' arm, and yanked him (followed by a screaming lily) towards the room of requirement, also pushing Lupin and Peter as they met up with them

"What in gods name are you doing man?" Lupin complained,

"James, explain, I'm thinking up some song names" Sirius sat down on a squdgy pillow and thought for a while, Peter and Lupin sat there, shocked at the idea of the situation, but after an hour or two of using the anger management tools James conjured up, they agreed

"Heres what were doing, I shall be singing Calvin Harris: I get all the girls, Moony, you're singing…Maximo park: girls who play guitars, and Wormtail, red hot chilli peppers: hump de bump… got it?"

They all happily nodded, except Lily, who merely swore at them, with her hand still connected to James

"But were also singing together, what's that going to be?" Peter asked, a sly smile spread onto Sirius face

"Take that: Shine"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Lily collapsed onto the floor, dragging James with her, and she started to sob

"My… sniff…. Reputation!!!"

"…Will be even better! Lilykins!" James comforted, Lily sared at him, her eyes shining with tears

"You will be known as a girl who feels for dragons, and is willing to put her reputation on the line, to save them!" Lily smiled and hugged James, but then realised what she was doing, and slapped him.

It was Sirius' turn to sing, and boy, he was nervous, he stood up on the table, and charms his voice to be louder… not that it really needed it

"Ok… here goes nothing!!" and started to sing

"_I like them black girls_

_I like them white girls_

_I like them Asian girls_

_I like them mixed race girls_

_I like them Spanish girls_

_I like them Italian girls_

_I like the French girls_

_And I like Scandinavian girls_

_I like them tall girls_

_I like them short girls_

_I like them brown hair girls_

_I like them blonde hair girls_

_I like them big girls_

_I like them skinny girls_

_I like them carrying a little bitty weight girls_

_Now baby_

_I've got a lot of love to give_

_And i've been over_

_over-subscribed with relationships_

_See you've got_

_A little thing i haven't seen before_

_But i must warn ya_

_That i can't help but play around for sure, for sure_

_Because_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_Now maybe (maybe)_

_I can learn to settle down one day_

_But right now_

_I'm living life to mess around and play_

_See you've got (you've got)_

_A little thing i haven't seen before_

_But i must warn ya_

_That i can't help but play around for sure_

_I did it before_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I like them black girls_

_I like them white girls_

_I like them Asian girls_

_I like them mixed race girls_

_I like them Spanish girls_

_I like them Italian girls_

_I like the French girls_

_And I like Scandinavian girls_

_I like them tall girls_

_I like them short girls_

_I like them brown hair girls_

_I like them blonde hair girls_

_I like them big girls_

_I like them skinny girls_

_I like them carrying a little bitty weight girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls_

_I get all the girls i get all the girls!"_

Sirius the flopped back to look at the classes reaction… pure shock, there was nothing else, not even a twitch from peter, Sirius groaned, he could hear the words for girls who play guitars upstairs, Lupin was doing his piece, clearly James and lily must've forced him into it, Sirius smiled to the class, who still didn't move

"Well… give a guy a break!!" He said to them, and then realised that Dumbledore was sitting behind him, he'd been doing an inspection of some of the classes, and he had a smile on his face

"That certainly was… enlightening!" He said to Sirius, and started to clap, followed by the rest of the class

"Well sir, If you go up to divination later, you shall hear peter singing!" A choking noise was made behind him, as peter had gulped his chewing gum in shock

"I'll look into it" Dumbledore then stood up, gave the class a wave, and left

"Great, and later, we have to do take that…" Sirius muttered

"In front of Gryffindor…" Peter followed

"Slytherin…."

"Hufflepuff"

"… Ravenclaw…"

"And all the teachers"

"Peter?"

"Yeah?"

"Kill me, kill me now, and do it quick!"

* * *

Ok, hope you like it! Told you it was long, and I used this website for the song lines, next up! Take that! Lol 

please Review!

Ivy

xxx


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius wrung his fingers and looked at his friends, James seemed quite confident, and was humming the song underneath his breath, everybody else, however were a different story, Lily, who was still chained to James with a white mist, which burnt the two of them every time Lily cast a spell on it, in attempt to break the bond, Lily was in fact… unconscious… she'd fainted precisely 13 times in the past two and a half hours, and thrown up twice, shed also given Sirius a couple of nosebleeds, and Peters ankle was starting to swell up a treat,

"Guys? Guys! I think she may be starting to wake up!" James leaned towards her, and slowly but surely; Lily's eyes emerald started to flicker open

"Hiya Lily!!!" James yelled straight into her face, Lily started to shriek at the sight in front of her, Sirius, Peter, and Lupin all groped their ears at the piercing cry that was ringing throughout the air

"Can you shut her up?!" Sirius yelled over to James, whose face had turned a sickly green colour

"Wait! I have an idea!!" He bellowed back to her, James picked Lily up, and leaned in towards her… and gave her a small kiss on the lips, Lily went quiet for a second, and leaned back towards James… Sirius let out a joyful cry, causing Lily's rose-pink lips to part with James's scarlet ones,

"Dude! You just ruined it!" He said to Sirius, exasperated

"Ha!" Sirius said back to him, still dancing around the room "It's taken you seven years to get that kiss that you've dreamed of, that you've practised doing with a melon, peter and your pillow… and in the end, when you _finally_ get it… it's to shut her up…" He trailed of, realising that it was _him_ who'd ruined the moment "Ooh…" he said slowly

"Dude!" James repeated

"Well I didn't know, did I?" James gave Sirius an evil look, one that was probably made to kill, but before he could do anything, Lily dived forwards, knocking all of the marauders on the floor

"Oomph!!"

"What the hell?"

"My ankle!!"

"Lily, if you'd have said you wanted me before, I would've gladly had you in the room closet, not you _and_ a foursome with all of my friends!" Sirius scrambled away from the mess of marauders on the floor,

"That was… disturbing" He mumbled to them "Let us never speak of this again, deal?" There was a bunch of mumblings coming from the chaos that he'd managed to dive away from

"However, this is an opportunity that cannot be missed" He smiled, Lily brushed a mass of red hair from her face

"What?"

"Well Lily, you five are in that position that makes me go… DIVEBOMB!!!!" Sirius leapt into the air, and lunged onto them, creating yet another colossal disturbance,

"Sirius! Gerroff me!"

"Can't breath!!"

"There is someone groping my arse… is that James?"

"Nope! Couldn't even if I wanted to, one hands connected to you, and the other is stuck on Lupins shoelace!"

"Sorry Lils, the opportunity was to good to miss!" A loud groan emerged from the group,

"Why? Why did I have to be dragged over here?" Lily screeched at James, who whimpered, Sirius butted in on the argument

"Because, Lily, you were unconscious, so technically speaking, you weren't dragged, you were _carried_ over here!" Lily glared at the two of them, her eyes flicking from James to Sirius

"Guys…" Lupin walked over to them "It's time"

"OK, so…. I wanna have a word with you all, you know, before we go… " James said to them, the marauders walked into a circle (Sirius pushed Lily into it too)

"I just want to say, that… I lo…no, I can't, I can't do it! I love you all, so much!!" He cried out, hugging them all tightly " So, lets go out there… and shine!" The group groaned at his choice of wording, and Lily dragged James off to go and do one last piece of revision, whilst calling Sirius and James all the names under the sun (obviously)

Sirius slowly walked onto the stage and looked around at his viewers, the hall was stuffed, crammed to the full; slowly he walked to the centre of the stage, with butterflies flickering ever so slightly in his stomach, and opened his mouth to sing,

"_You, you're such a big star to me  
You're everything I wanna be  
But you're stuck in a hole and I want you to get out  
I don't know what there is to see  
But I know it's time for you to leave  
We're all just pushing along  
Trying to figure it out, out, out._

All your anticipation pulls you down  
when you can have it all, you can have it all."

Sirius looked around his, and tried to egg his friends onto stage, after a small swearing fit he walked off and dragged a pale lupin onto the stage

_"So come on, so come on, get it on  
Don't know what you're waiting for  
Your time is coming don't be late!, hey hey!  
So come on!  
See the light on your face!  
Let it shine!  
Just let it shine!  
Let it shine!"_

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, and saw Peter creeping onto stage

_"Stop   
being so hard on yourself!  
It's not good for your health!  
I know that you can change!  
So clear your head and come around!  
You only have to open your eyes!  
You might just get a big surprise!  
And it may feel good and you might want to smile, smile, smile!"_

In the corner of his eyes, Sirius could see Lily and James having an argument, and in the end James walked on stage, with a huffy Lily hiding behind him, James smiled at the audience, poked Lily harshly and began to sing 

"_Don't you let your demons pull you down  
'Cause you can have it all, you can have it all.  
So come on, So come on, get it on  
Don't know what you're waiting for  
Your time is coming don't be late, hey hey  
So come on  
See the light on your face  
Let it shine!  
Just let it shine!  
Let it shine."_

"Altogether now!!" Sirius screamed at the hall__

"Hey, let me know you  
You're all that matters to me  
Hey, let me show you  
you're all that matters to me.

So come on, get it on  
Don't know what you're waiting for  
Your time is coming don't be late, hey hey  
So come on  
See the light on your face  
Let it shine  
Just let it shine  
Let it shine.

Hey, let me know you  
Your all that matters to me  
Hey, let me show you 

_You're all that matters._

Let me know you  
So come on  
See the light on your face  
Let it shine  
Just let it shine  
Let it shine."

A giant wave of cheers erupted from the hall, the Gryffindors started to blare out the song again, the Ravenclaws started dancing with the Hufflepuffs, and the Slytherins started to boo all the others

"Well… thank god for that guys, eh?" James said to the rest of the group cheerfully "I think I'm going to join in!" James started to walk of the stage, but was quickly dragged back by Lily

"Oh no you don't! We're off to the library to figure out how to get _this_" Shaking their wrist at James "Off, Now come on!" She heaved a moaning James off stage and disappeared through the crowd

"So now what do we do?" Peter said to Sirius, as if expecting a rabbit to pop out of his ear

"CROWD SURF!!!!" Sirius roared, and threw his body at the spectators, who happily obliged in throwing him around the hall

"Fancy joining in Moony?" Peter said to his friend, who was staring gobsmacked at what some of the girls were doing to Sirius

"Nope, I'm going to try and study for that charms test!" And he hurried off the stage

"Spoilsport…" Peter muttered under his breath, and joined in with the giant party

The next day

"Sirius…" A soft voice whispered in his ear "Sirius…" it said to him again

"Bluh?"

"_I swear to god that if you do not tell us how to get this fucking charms off of us I will hex you into oblivion!!"_

"Wow, Lily, maybe you should calm down a bit!" James said to her "I'm starting to get used to having an extra arm!"

"_Shut up you prick!!! Sirius Black! I'll hex you into oblivion, and then accio you back, then hex you again, and bring you back!! And I will, I swear, do that until your skin starts to peel off in pain!!!"_

"So… where did you guys sleep last night then?" Sirius said to the pair of them, who quickly became interested in the ceiling

"Well…err…" Sirius stared

"You didn't sleep in the same bed, did you?!"

"No!!" Lily screeched "I slept in the bed, I charms James to hover in mid air with a blanket over him!"

"She wouldn't let me sleep in the nude…" James muttered sadly, his head hung down, Sirius burst out laughing

"So… you guys couldn't, you know, work it out?" He said in between chuckles, Lily glared at him, whilst slowly shaking her head

"You… will… tell… us… how…to…change…it…. NOW!!!" She shrieked at him, Sirius shook his head to get her piercing shriek from ringing in his head eyes,

"Fine. You two have to kiss!" He smiled, James looked ecstatic at the knowledge that he was going to kiss her _again._ Lily looked shocked

"But, I kissed him last night, so why am I still joined to this _dimwit?_"

"Because it has to be with feelings… and a tongue for that matter" Lily stared at the ground in shock, and James started dancing some sort of Irish jig

"I get to _kiss _you, I get to _snog_ you!!" He sang merrily

"_NEVER!!"_ Lily yelled, and started running out of the dormitory, dragging a singing James behind her

"Well… you're going to be like that until you do!!!" Sirius roared after them, and flopped back into bed.

"Sirius, move your fat arse! Come on! We've got charms, the test, remember?" Lupin called to him, Sirius jumped up and looked around him, searching desperately for clothes, and after finding them he sprinted over to the lesson, this one he'd actually _studied_ for, the class were all pale, including Lily and James (James wasn't really supposed to be in the lesson, Lily took him there rather than herboligy.)

"Dude, if you're not supposed to be in this lesson, why are you worried about a test… that you shouldn't be having?" Sirius said to James

"Lily has an idea of how to get me of her," he whispered to him, Sirius smiled

"_Really? _What is it?" James squeaked at Lily sharply tugging at him

"Amputation" he replied, and then got pushed into the room by the gabble of students, Sirius gulped, this was Lily, she once almost blew of someone's ear off because they sneezed during a test, apparently it was "distracting" and that's why she did it, that poor kid, Sirius thought, he was never quite the same again.

Later on that day

"I can't believe I got 75! " Lily sobbed into her plate of salad and chicken at dinner, with her hands and James's clutching her head

"And _I_ can't believe I got 100!" Sirius cheered, James gave Sirius a dirty look,

"It was James's fault after all!" She cried

"Me?" James said, confused "How was it _my_ fault? I mean seriously- oop, sorry Sirius, I _meant_ to say, _honestly_ how is this _my_ fault?"

"Because you friends with that twat! Aren't you!"

"Yeah" James said slowly "But… I'm guessing, that if it was anyone else, say, _snivelly_, who was my friend, we might've done the same!" Sirius frowned at that comment

"Wait, why would he be your friend, I though I was?"

"Yeah but just say…"

"Yeah but what did I do?"

"No, Sirius, I'm saying that say we were in this dimensional world…"

"Why would we be in a dimensional world? Why? Why?"

"No, just pretend!"

"B-but, after all I've done for you! I've tried to marry you to her, set you two up, everything! Anything! And you…" Sirius pointed to him "You chose… _that_, that…" Sirius slumped back in his seat, lost for words, James and Lily stared at each other, unable to understand how he was taking this madness seriously,

"Wait, what?" Lily said to Sirius, who merely shook his head,

"Right… so… what do we do now?" James said to her,

"Well, I need to revise for potions!" Lily said happily

"Noooo!!!!" James cried out, Lily glared at him

"Oh for gods sake, I give up!!!" She quickly leaned down towards James and started to kiss him, angrily at first, but smoother as time went on, Sirius sat up, staring at the sight in front of him, the two… aficionados kept on going, seeming unable to stop,

"Um, err, guys, the charms been broken… so, you, I mean, you can keep on going, but… not here…." Sirius said slowly, Lily froze in mid French kiss, looking around her for a solution

"OUCH!!! Do nit my bongue!!!"

"What?" Lupin said to James, who was clutching his mouth

"I believe, Moony, that he said, that lily bit his tongue…." Sirius said to him, Lily stormed off out of the hall, and James sat back on his chair, still holding his jaw,

"Whats up with you?" Sirius said, James smiled

"I bissed her… I bissed her!!" James's tongue was swollen, so the marauders just nodded, James carried on

"I dean, de mit my bongue, dut, I bissed her!!"


	7. Chapter 7

Hi guys, again

yeah, so i had a bunch of stories for this chapter (seriously, everything rushed through that tiny little brain of mine) I was like, this really can't be helping, because once i got a good one, i'd sit at the computer... and realise that I'd forgotten what it is, because i always got them at the wrong time of day. So, yep, after smashing my head against several walls, and then going to the doctors to get it checked out, i came up with this!

enjoy!

* * *

Sirius sat back in his chair and smiled, it had been a strange week really, everyone was happy, and it was unnerving, James (After nursing a sore tongue) had been smiling all week, non-stop because lily had kissed him _twice_ in one day, Lupin was happy, because of the fact that when James was tied up to lily he got better ,marks than her because James nugded her on the last question of a test, Peter was happy because the girls were classifying him as "Hot" after getting up on a stage and singing, and Sirius... well he was drunk, so all in all_ Everyone_ was happy... except for Lily and Snape, but Snape was never really happy, so Sirius put that down to bad habit. 

"What are you doing?" Pter said to him from the floor, he was playing widarding chess with James,

"Ah... life, don't you just..._love it?_" Sirius cheered to them, James looked up and smiled, yet again

"Yep"

"Same here"

"Amen to that!" Lupin said from behind his huge arithmacy book,

"Lupin, why the hell do you do that?"

"Do what?" He said to Sirius

"Y'know..." Sirius slurred "Read." Lupin stuttered, and mumbled something about alcohol,

"Now, now, Don't insult the bottle!" Sirius clutched his firewhiskey, and James sighed and rolled over onto his belly,

"Sirus is going to get liver or kidney cancer one day!" James chimed

"Am not!" Sirius said childishly

"Don't you know? Most people don't actually realise that alcohol causes much more harm rather than ordinary drugs like heroin, or cocaine, because its a tranquilliser and- what?" James noticed that his friends were all staring at him

"Can i ask?" Sirius said, James sighed

"Yes Sirius, i do _occasionally_ read... well, once year anyway" Peter, Lupin and Sirius were all still staring at him "OK, so unless one of you blinks, I'm off to bed! What? fine! I am off!" And with that, he walked up to their dorm, Lupin shook his head, and turned to Sirius

"Sirius? are you still going to get James and Lily together?"

"Hell, yeah! Just you guys wait till tomorrow!" Peter squirmed,

"Why? whats going to happen?"

"Well... I've been thinking..." Lupin started to laugh, and noticed that Sirius was glaring at him moodily

"...Sorry"

"You know how James loves quidditch?"

"Yup"

"I want to know just how much Lily cares for James... by knocking him of his broom!!" Sirius cackled, Lupin groaned, and Sirius smiled and took another swig of his drink

"You are joking, right?" Peter said, Sirius shook his head, and Lupin did a sort of whimper,

"That is the most ridicules idea that I have ever heard... and you've had a lot of ideas recently!" Lupin cried out.

"Now... I was expecting this... but I don't have a back up plan, so that's what we're going to have to do, it's dead easy, I've been practicing, and I think that if Peter throws a club at him _just_ right..."

"Wait. Why do I have to do it?" Peter said to Sirius, who looked at him as if he was stupid

"_Because_, Wormtail, if I do it, he'll know it's on purpose, but if you do it, he'll think that, because you don't do quidditch, it'll be by accident, _of course_!" Lupin stood up and shook his head

"NO!! No! you are not doing this, he could get seriously hurt!"

"Hey!! watch with the Sirius- Serious jokes, OK?"

"No... I'm being _serious_ Sirius, this could be dangerous! he could end up in the hospital wing... or you know... die..." He shuddered at the last comment, and Sirius stood up also, swaying a little

"Yes Moony, he could end up in the hospital wing... and thats the point! You idiot! When Lily finds out he's serious- i mean really badly hurt she shall go rushing to his bedside, start sobbing her eyes out, James will then wake up, and then, theres a big kiss, and _then, _they get marraied, have a kid called Harry, make me godfather, and we all live happily ever after! Ta Da! you like it? I thought so!" Sirius was breathing deeply after his long statement, and so was Lupin, but out of fury

"What makes you think he'd make you godfather?" Sirius laughed at Lupin

"Because, you idiot, I would be the best."

"You'd get the poor sod drunk! No, no I should be godfather! I would be helpful and always make a good impression!" Sirius and Lupin started to yell loudly, and James came rushing downstairs

"What the hell is going on?" He asked them, Lupin and Sirius stopped yelling,

"Tell us, my sweet hansome, fantastic friend... who would you make godfather?" Sirius said (With puppy eyes) James frowned, and walked back up the stairs, muttering to himself something about lunatics.

* * *

The next day

"Sirius, _really, _will you get this stupid idea out of your head?" Lupin said, squirting ketchup on his sausages,

"If anything, _I'm _being smart!" He groaned, Lupin had been at him all morning, from the second he woke up, whilst he was in the shower, and all the way up to the great hall for breakfast

"For _gods_ sake!" Peter snapped "We've not exactly been giving out any ideas have we? So we might as well give it a go!" Sirius smiled, and Lupin stabbed at his bacon

"Well, why can't we just use a model? Like a stuffed doll falling through the air?" Sirius looked into the air with thought, contemplating the idea, with his toast in mid air

"... nope, too fake..." Lupin rolled his eyes, yet again

"But...but..."

_"Moony!_ No!!" Sirius said sharply _"We... need... to... do... this... right..." _he grunted

"What are you three talking about?" James popped up behind them, making Lupin and Sirius jump

"Don't do that! you make me drop my sausage!" Looking down at the ketchupy mess down his front

"Ha!" Sirius laughed, and sprinted out of the great hall

"So... what _was_ that about?" James asked again, Lupin glared at him and ran after Sirius.

Sirius groaned at the stitch in his side, and clutched his stomach

"Must... get... fit... sometime... must... eat... 5... fruit n' veg... sometime..." He mumbled, Sirius looked around for a hiding place, partly because he couldn't run, and also he could see a bunch of girls standing and talking, and he believed that if he sat in the right position, there was a possibility he could see their bra's, there was no sign of a hiding place, and Sirius could hear Lupin's footsteps behind him,

"Ooh... Padfoot... where are you?" Lupin said in a sing song voice,

"Shit!" Muttered Sirius, and he dived behind the bunch of girls "Don't say a word!" he wittered to them, the girls all giggled and made a path which made Lupin see Sirius

"Aha!" Lupin yelled out, and dived for Sirius "Gotcha now!" and he bitch- slapped him

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Sirius whacked Lupin around the head, Lupin looked up and his eyes turned to slits

"Ooh... bad move!" Sirius whimpered and started to run again, quickly followed by lupin, Sirius stopped and turned, only to bump into Lupin

"At least my mother can knit properly!" Sirius yelled at him

"Oh! Low blow! Don't you say that!" Lupin roared back, a second passed in silence

_"Mine can sew, mine can knit, mine can knit!!!"_

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY FAMILY!!!" Lupin was truly roaring now, and teachers were coming out into the corridor,

"Guess what? YOUR FAMILY! YOUR FAMILY!YOUR FAMILY!" Lupin lunged at Sirius, who had his breath knocked out, a scramble emerged, and it took the strength of several teachers, peter and james too split them up

"TWAT!!"

"ARSEHOLE!"

"MAN SLUT!!"

"MAN GIRL!!"

"YOU HAVE BAD HAIR!!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THAT!!! JUST AS SOON AS I CAN GET OUT OF THIS FULL BODY BIND!! YOU NERD!!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET _THAT_, ONCE I GET OUT OF THESE ROPES!!!"

James came in between all the curses

"Will one of you tell me _what _the _hell_ is _going_ on here?!" Lupin and Sirius both swore at him at the same time

"Aaw, come _on!_ you two have been here for an hour, Dumbledore sent me here to see if you're still arguing, and _now_ you've made me late for the quidditch match!" Jmaes brought out his was and flicked it at both of them, releasing them from their bonds "Now... are you going to continue fighting?" He said slowly

"No..." Sirius groaned, and Lupin muttered something inaudible

"_sorry moony... didn't quite hear that!" _James taunted

"no..." Lupin whispered

"And what else?" James asked, Lupin hesitated

"... sorry..."

"Padfoot"

"Well..." Sirius moaned "I wouldn't go so far as sorry..."

"Thats good enough! Now come on!! To the match! Im late! and _i'm_ the one who has to play seeker!" James ran off to get changed and lupin grabbed Sirius by the collar

"now... this plan will _not_ work... and _heres _why!!" Lupin pushed Sirius into an empty classroom, and locked the door

"_what? you said no more fighting!"_

_"Yes..._ but _technically_ this isn't fighting!"

* * *

Several hours later

"Bored..."

"Still bored..."

"oh for _fucks _sake!" Sirius stood up and started pacing around the room

_"Why the hell..._can't i just remember the spell? it's al... alo... dammit!" He grunted, Sirius had been there for ages, and all he could hear was a muffled commentary of the match... something about pebbles, but that could have been Flitwicks wizarding radio show about gardening, Sirius couldn't tell, Suddenly... out of nowhere Peter burst in

"Sirius! Come quick!" He panted, trying to catch his breath "It's James... he's hurt!"

"Excellent!" Sirius exclaimed "Oh... err... I mean... I'm so sorry..." And they room towards the hospital wing.

* * *

So that is that... I wanted there to be a cliffhanger, but i wasn't sure how to make it shocking... so... yeah

please read and review... although if you've gotten this far, all you need to do is review!

... unless of course you scrolled

Ivy.


	8. Chapter 8

Howdy fellas! Lol... i really ought to come up with a better starter

anyways, sorry for the amount of time it took, I had a bunch of essays i had to do, and my friend also split up with her boyfriend, so i've had to spent almost every hour of each day just bringing her tissues, so yeah... anyways, yep, sorry...

Discliamer: I dont own harry potter, and im not J.K rowling.

* * *

Sirius groaned and held his hand to his head, it had been three days since James's accident, and the was still no change, Peter ran his hand through his mousy brown hair

"Maybe if we..."

"No"

"But what about-"

"No"

"Y'know i once read that-"

"Peter, i said NO!" Sirius yelled, standing up, Lupin rolled his eyes

"Look guys, this isn't exactly going to help, is it?"

"No it's not" A quiet voice came from the corner. the conscious marauders turned around to see the visitor, it was Lily, a very pale, shaking, and tired looking Lily, Peter walked over towards her

"Jeez... you don't look to good..." The group groaned

"Oh, you think?" Lily glared at Peter "Because, after having not slept, not eaten and not even gone outside for a few days, i am feeling just a _bit_ poorly! Just a fucking tiny bit!!!" She started to scream,

"OK!!" Lupin yelled over the hysteria "Look, hey! I said LOOK!!! If you think about it, this can't exactly be helping James now, can it?" Lily blinked at Lupin for a second and th burst into tears

"I-just-can't-take-it-anymore!" She said in between sobs, the lads stood staring at her, not quite sure what to do

"So... in the end who _did_ win the match?" Sirius asked, Peter, Lupin and Lily all shot looks of evil towards him "_What?_ Thanks to someone i managed to miss it!"

"It was Ravenclaw..." Sirius noticed how James suddenly twitched in his sleep

"Wait... Did you guys see that?" Everyone started staring at the unmoving character

"No..." Lupin said slowly, moving towards james

"Well-but, It was so obvious!" Sirius said, Peter and Lupin gave him funny looks,

"I'm not kidding!" Lily walked over to James and bent down over his face,

"No, he's not, I saw it too" Sirius smiled at the fact that someone was on her side

Nobody dared to breathe as they all stared towards James, Lily slowly sat down on a seat next to him, whilst holding his bony hand, Madam Pomfrey flicked in between them and the other patients, every so often Sirius subconsciously moved closer towards James, Peter groaned as his stomach rumbled in hunger.

* * *

The next day

"Shouldn't they be giving us some sort of information?" Lily moaned as the gang stared at the nurses, all deep in conversation about the patients

"Oh for gods sake! If only we had extra long ears or something!" Sirius whispered, behind them James grunted in his sleep, and rolled over, but no-one noticed

"I'm so hungry! Can't we just go and eat?"

"NO!" Sirius replied hotly and they hid behind the curtains as the nurses looked in their direction "No, we can't in case James wakes up!"

"Do you think it could be karma?" Lily whispered to them, the marauders all stared at her "What? I saw this TV program once! If you think about it, James has done a bunch of stuff wrong!" The three boys all thought about it, Peter suddenly started hopping in the air

"Whats wrong with you... Sirius! You haven't put itching powder in his shoes have you?" Lupin said angrily

"No! I haven't down that since he almost had to have his toes amputated... oh that was the best day..."

"No!" Peter piped up "I have an idea! Did your mum ever read fairy tales?" Sirius shook his head, and Lupin just blinked "Well... you know sleeping beauty? That could be James!" Lily snorted loudly, and Sirius almost fell to the floor in laughter.

"What?! It could be!" Peter yelled to them "Go on Lily, kiss the bugger!" He yelled to her, Lily started to laugh again, and James flinched in his slumber

"This is so stupid! It's... not...true Peter, OK? You really ought to grow up someday! I mean, Have you even hit puberty yet?" Lily said to him, Peter frowned

"Err... whats puberty?" he asked, and once again the group fell into laughter "Look! I say you just try!" Lily yelled out in anger and went over to James, bent down, and kissed him, slowly James sat up towards her, and they pulled away

"Finally! God, I've been dying for a piss!" And he walked of towards the toilet, Lily looked around in shock

"What?! You mean this is planned?"

"Yep!" Lupin cried out "Me and James did it! And it was so easy! I bribed the ravenclaw chaser to take a day off, stole his outfit and then, on the match, hit James with a floppyfiying charms, making him fall, but not get hurt, and then, we waited for you to kiss him, you know, just to see what happened, although, James wasn't supposed to give it away!" He excaimed, Sirius, Peter and Lily all stared at him

"Wow moony... I didn't know that you had it in you..." Sirius slowly said, James emerged from the bathroom, looking thoroughly refreshed,

"I sure as hell needed that..." He smiled, and put his arm around Lily, who shrugged it off of her like it was a slug

"You!! You!! and YOU!!!" She screamed at James and Lupin "Why?! you've made me worry!! you know I failed a test out of WORRY??!! I HATE YOU!!!" And she ran out of the wing, James breathed out deeply, and went to get changed

"At least we know that she likes him!" Sirius smiled, Peter looked confused

"And how do you work that out?"

* * *

please R&R!

Ivy!


	9. Chapter 9

Hallo!

my thanks to:GlindaFied26 and Pen-to-paper scribble for reviewing that last chapter

so yah, here i was, sitting at my computer, annoying my dumb dog, when i thought "hey! how about another chapter! sod that english homework you have to do!" so i did, but sadly, missing out on the homework was _not_ a good idea, i got a detention, and my english teacher, who is normally nice, turned into _dragonlady! _

...seriously guys, do homework,

anyways, disclaimer:don't own it yadayadayada...

as the people at theatre say on with the show! or... "what the fuck are you doing, remember your lines dammit!"

* * *

"Crap!!" Sirius cried out "Crap! crap! crap!" he looked around, nothing, not even a flicker, "Lupin, when i cry out "crap" whilst doing homework, and look like i want to kill someone, your supposed to help you know..." 

"..." Sirius rolled his eyes, he'd been acting like this for a while, and Sirius had an idea why

"Aaw, C'mon, you know why i had to put that silencing charm on you! You went against orders!" Lupin swore at his, James sighed and walked over to Lupin, taking out his wand

"Oh, it's no good, i cant find that counter curse, Sirius you prick! you dont put charms on people when you don''t know how to stop them!" Sirius cackled evilly,and sat back on the sofa, enjoying every moment of this

"look, theres Lily, maybe she can help!" James walked over to Lily, who laughed and pionted her wand at Lupin, who suddenly become very chatty

"Sirius you twat!"

"now now, lupin, were all ok now, and nobody got hurt!" Sirius whimepered

"No! No one did, but i think we all know that within a matter of seconds someone will be!" Lupin held up his fist "I got 3 detentions today! I have never even had one!" Lupin aimed his fist towards Sirius, who dodged and ran for his life.

He hid behind a portrait, and breathed deeply, muttering curses which he knew he could never do, he walked of towards a certain hump-backed witch.

* * *

"Can I have a pint mate, please?" 

"What are you? twelve? I don't bloody well think so!"

"Fine. A butterbeer... twat"

Sirius walked over to a spare table to get rid of the frostbite that was tingling away at his toes

"Sirius?" A quiet voice said behind him, it was Lily, a very cold looking Lily.

"Oh hey, you OK?" Sirius asked, as she pulled up a seat next to him

"Oh, yeah I'm fine, i've just finished a ton of history of magic homework, I would have thought that you'd be forcing Lupin to do it for you" She said, edging her hands towards Sirius's butterbeer,

"Oh yeah I was, but then he tried to kill me, so... i stopped."

"Rock on." they sat in silence for ten minutes, and Lily snatched Sirius's butterbeer away from him, and started to drink it, she flopped her head on the table, and Sirius stared at her, uncomfy

"Err... are you dead? If so, just say, I know CPR!" Lily looked at him "What? Peter taught me it, that boys crap at magic, but, boy, does he know his medicine!" Sirius laughed  
"Huge test in two weeks! Are you ready for it?" Sirius gave Lily a mad look

"It's a test Lily, what do you think?" He suddenly went deep into thought, "Lily..."

"No... I'm not going out with James, lending you money, setting you up with one of my friends, helping you to break up with someone, or teaching you the spell to get condoms, OK?"

"Theres a spell?! No, none of those are anything to do with this, I have an offer for you... a good one!"

"Crap! I knew there would be a reason to not sit with you!" Lily stood up, and wrapped her scarf around hr neck

"No! It's an offer you can't refuse!" Lily sat down, slowly "Heres the deal, you fail that test in two weeks, and you have to go out with James."

"And if I pass?"

"James shall never bug you again... never" Lily smirked, resembling snape

"Are you serious... sorry, I have to do this, let me repeat: are you serious, _Sirius?" _She burst out laughing, whilst Sirius sat looking grumpy,

"Yes I'm Serious! and don't do that!"

Lily stopped laughing "OK, whats the catch?"

"There is no catch, shake on it? I'll even pay for the meal myself if you have to go with him." He held out his hand, and Lily slowly took it

"Yeah, James never seems to have any money, he always spends it on sweets, and presents for you, of course."

"And zonkos products I suppose?" Lily joked, Sirius stared at her

"Nope, thats me, you idiot!"

Lily walked off into the cold, and Sirius stared at the spot where she sat

"Unfortunatly, she didn't say anything about me and the boys helping James along a bit! Hey? what happened to all the butterbeer?"

* * *

so das ist das.

please R&R!


	10. Chapter 10

OK so I'm writing this whilst listening to Lillix (totally fantastic band- i recommend them) and eating tons of oranges- which i think I may be allergic to- my lips have gone all tingly

so, if it goes all weird, then just say.

depressing disclaimer

my thanks to:magicalwiz and glindafied26 for reviewing that last chappie

I'm going to write this like going through the days of the week and stuff

* * *

Monday (day 1) 

"OK James, remember the plan" Sirius whispered "And we'll all do fine" James nodded and walked in to the direction of Lily "Plan chicken is go! area all clear! GO!GO!GO!"

"OK! I get the bloody picture Sirius!"

"...sorry, seen mission impossible one too many times."

"Lily!" James cried out, Lily looked up from the test revision notes in front of her

"What do you want?" She eyed him suspiciously

"If i could hold a star in my hand every time you made me smile then I would have the entire solar system in the palm of my hand"

"I hope the stars explode and you die" she said simply

"Well... Yoinks!" James ripped the revision from her hand and legged it

* * *

Tuesday (day 2) 

"James... Its flirt time, we've already stopped her chances of revision, now to make her like you again, and tell her random stupid facts about the work we're doing the test on, OK?"

"Got it!"

"Oh dear god James, why can't you leave me alone?!" Lily pleaded

"Because I'm like Taco bell... I'll spice up you night!" He smiled at her, Lily groaned and rolled her eyes

"Fine.Then I'm, like McDonalds, come within a five foot radius of me, and you'll die... give me back my homework revision thing, I need it"

"I can't err... Sirius ate it..." He frowned "But, I can help you with some quick info shots, guaranteed to get you to pass...err... I promise!" Lily jumped up

"OK...transfiguration... Did you know that a wizard named splodge turned all cats into dogs, and all dogs into cats..."

"And thats important, is it?"

"MOVING ON WITH THE HELP!

1) the word to change cheese into chalk is chalkychees...ooo

2) you need to hold your wand backwards to make a hedgehog turn into a pincusion

and... yeah...they'll all help you..."

"Really?" Lily said slowly "Thanks

"Wow..." Peter said as James came back "Thanks for the helps James, I wrote them all down!"

* * *

Wednesday (day 3) 

"COME BACK HERE YOU IMBISSILES!!!" Madam Pince screeched

"Whats the point of this Sirius?" James yelled as they ran out of the library, clutching several books

"Well prongs, you stole her helper thingy, we stole her friends, she now has no help, except for the library, so this is why we've stolen every single books which contains the word transfiguration in it! All 267,982 books"

James looked behind him as the sprinted towards their dorm, it was true, 267,962 books were floating after them

"And" Sirius said as they dropped their books on the floor and held the door open for the others to come through "We can rent out room out as our own library! The get-James-together-with-lily plan can also be a get-rich-quick plan!"

"Your so smart Sirius"

* * *

Thursday (day 4) 

"Now what?" Lupin said to Sirius, who kept on tripping over the books in their room

"Right, we've removed all ways possible of making Lily revise... but her friends are able too... so we... blank their memories?"

"No... too risky"

"Ah! Make sure that McGonagall cannot teach any more lessons!

Later on...

"Miss? Miss? I errr... hold great news, with a lot of importance, in this err... letter..." The teacher walked towards the hooded Peter

"It says that my sisters dead..." She said

"I'm so sorry" Peter looked at the floor

"But- I don't have a sister"

"Well then your brother!"

"Nor do I have a brother"

"Cousin?"

"Not kept in contact for over 30 years"

"Friend"

"Nope"

"Your such a loner!" Peter yelled out, McGonagall walked over towards Peter and ripped the large,black blanket off of him

"Wha-" She stared at Peter, who was sitting on top of James's shoulders

"There is a very _very_ reasonable explanation of this... in fact... I think you'll find it funny, but first drink this laxativ- i mean, pumpkin juice"

She stared at the clear liquid for a moment "Pumpkin juice?"

"Yep!" James and Peter nodded

ten seconds later...

"Need bog!" McGonagall ran off towards the ladies

"Can't believe she fell for it!"

* * *

Friday (day 5) 

"So...team, we're doing good, very good, Lily has no chance whatsoever of learning anything to do with transfiguration, and the teacher is now suffering from very violent streaks of diarrahea... with no chance of recovery until the day of the test... very good" Sirius was pacing in front of the others, all except Lupin (It was full moon, the others were going to join him later)

"Now what?"

"Er... James, keep on chatting up Lily, she may cave before the test, Peter, watch her friends, they might be helping her in some way, whilst I, I shall... relax"

* * *

Saturday (Day 6) 

"Sirius!Sirius! Bad news! The test is on Monday, you got the bloody date wrong!" Peter sprinted through the common room, the marauders looked up

"Your kidding me!" James stood up and paced

"Right" Lupin took charge "James, you shall spend tomorrow chatting Lily up, every technique, everything, anything, whilst Sirius and I look for the answers so that you lot don't fail the test, got it?"

* * *

Sunday (day before test) 

"Ooh Lily!"

"Aaw... crap... sod off James"

"You know, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together"

"And if I could rearrange it, I'd create a new letter called fuck you"

"Now thats not a good response... where you arrested earlier?"

"No, why"

"Because it has to be illegal to look that good!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"Never! Is your dad a thief? because i bet he stole all these emeralds, and put them in your eyes!"

"Where are you getting these from?!"

"Err... google, ask anywhere really..."

* * *

Please R&R! 

I'm on a holiday, so i can update quicker


	11. Chapter 11

Hi, so, sorry it took me ages to update, but I had this ton of homework (which I didn't do) and had to… do it (not very well, I feel I must add)

So…on with the story!

James, Peter and Sirius were all sat outside the transfiguration room, listening to quill scribbling. 

"Sirius? Can I ask why we're here?" James whispered, Sirius rolled his eyes.

"_Because, _you fool!" Sirius replied, "We want to see how Lily does, yet also skive off lessons!!"

"_Yeah_, James, get it right!!" Peter laughed, "No, wait, how will we know if she passes or fails?"

"Oh for Merlins sake!" Sirius groaned "Because, we are going to cheat!"

Peter frowned, and so did James, Sirius whimpered slightly.

"So dum" He muttered "_We_, If you don't lose another brain cell before we get into the room, are going to feed McGonagall another dose of laxatives, wizard style, and then get Lilys test, change her answers, so she fails!!"

"Good 'un!" James said happily "Where's Remus?"

"In there, he didn't want to skive, so I 'wired' as the muggles say, him up so that if he twitches his arm, this long piece of string travels over to Lily's back (oblivious to her) and shocks the crap out of her!!" Sirius laughed evilly.

"What?!" James whimpered "Remus was happy to do this?!" 

"No" Sirius said simply "He doesn't know what he's doing" He laughed as Lily yelped, "You know, you'd think that you would be trying to help her!" James groaned and rocked back and forth.

"That's it, im going to help her!" He said, standing up into some kind of superman pose.

"No, you're not!" Sirius said, yanking him back down "James mate, two facts about life: One. The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity"

"But…"

"Shut up, and two. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." Sirius shuddered "Found that one out just last week!" James groaned.

"What the hell does this have to do with the situation?!" He asked, Sirius smiled at him.

"Nothing, but it gave us long enough to tie you up" James looked at his hands.

"What the hell?!" He yelled "What is it with you and tying people up?!" Sirius shrugged.

"Not sure, but its fun!!"

The bell rang, and Sirius and Peter together pulled the invisibility cloak over James, and watched as Lily walked out.

"You know, I know that you'll think I'm mad, but I kept on getting all these little shocks during that test" Lily said to her friends "I think it may have been a sign"

Sirius laughed "Come on!" He hopped into the room, smiling at Professer McGonagall as he did so.

"And why weren't you in my test, Mr Black?" She shrieked.

"Oh crap" Sirius muttered to Peter, "I forgot about this part…"

"Well?"

"Well, this is funny, I think you'll like it!" He smiled "You see, we saw this…frog, and it…took-my wand? Yeah. So, we thought that, well, we couldn't let it do that, and we…chased it, like… yeah" He nodded "Amused?" He whimpered as her nostrils turned a pale white, "Fuck"

"Detention"

"9 o' clock" Peter added.

"Here" Sirius nodded "Got it, but try this" He waved a pack of chocolates in front of her "They're extra Laxitivy!"

"Sirius!" Peter nudged him.

"I mean…galaxy?" He said, trying to sound truthful.

"Well, I" McGonagall paused and took one; slowly biting into it "I could swear" She stopped and sprinted off.

"Ha ha!!" Sirius yelled triumphantly "I knew it!!"

He walked over to McGonagall's desk, and rifled through a bunch of test papers.

"Mrs Evans" Peter said, on the over side of the room "Sirius, the papers are here"

"Oh, I knew that" Sirius said quickly, walking over to Peter, and taking it off him.

He looked at Lilys answers, and then at the answer booklet that he stole many years ago.

"Right, so she's got some right, but that can easily be changed!" He smiled, scribbling in new answers "And now to wait until tomorrow!"

Next day.

"Hurry up!!" James muttered, flicking his quill.

"Wow James, I can't believe you're excited for this lesson!" Remus smiled.

"Yeah, well" James groaned, "I _need_ this!!"

Sirius laughed "James, two more facts of life!"

"Oh crap…"

"One! If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!" Sirius smiled.

"What?!"

"And two: Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn."

"How are these helpful?!" James snapped at Sirius, who shrugged.

"It passed the time didn't it? Remus, stop worrying, remember: Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too. Yep!"

"Shut up Sirius" Remus grumbled, as they sat down in the classroom, he fumbled around in his bag "Crap, I cant find my book!"

"Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them." Peter said happily

"Helpful" Remus said.

They all looked up as the teacher entered the room, and with a flick of her wand, the papers were passed out, the marauders all looked at Lily.

"Dun dun dunnnn!!" Sirius whispered into Lilys ear.


	12. Chapter 12

So, hi!!

Yup, it's 3 days to Christmas!! WOOT! So first of all, I want to wish you a very merry Christmas, and a happy new year!

Then, I want to say that I give my thanks to: HGHPlove4ever15, magicalwiz and xXx-fifi-xXx for reviewing, thanks xXx-fifi-xXx!! You really made my day by saying that!!

Sorry for not updating, but I recently had this ton of homework, including several essays and a couple of speaking tests thrown in. My friend 'tried' to make the essays fun by saying 'This is what they do in Harry Potter!!' Yeah… it's true, but I still wasn't particularly happy that I still had to _do_ the cursed things!

I have REALLY bad earache!!

Oh, and this chapter might be in bold, because my computer botched up when i was editing it.

* * *

"Dun dun dunnnn!!" Sirius whispered into Lilys ear.

"Shut it, you're annoying me" Lily hissed back.

"I know" Sirius smiled "It's a curse and a blessing"

"Well?!" James yelled "Well?!"

"Crap" Lily whispered, staring at her sheet of paper that had been given to her, she blinked for a second, and then burst out in tears "NOOOO!!"

"What?"

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!" She cried.

"You know, I think that's good news!" Peter said, staring at Lily.

"Yeah, James? You still sure you want to go on a date with _that_?" Sirius pointed to Lily.

"Of course!" James smiled, and then paused as he looked at her.

Lily's usually bouncy and vibrant hair was floppy and greasy. Her bright green eyes were full of tears, and the little mascara she had on was running, her nose was snotty and she was babbling curses.

"Um… Yeah, of course I do, I mean…" James thought for a second "Wait…OH MERLIN!!!"

"What?!" Remus, Sirius and Peter chorused.

"I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH LILY!!!" James screamed "I'M GOING ON A DATE. WITH LILY!!!!" He sprinted out of the room.

"He's a tad bit slow on the uptake" Remus frowned.

"You think?" Sirius laughed.

* * *

Day of date.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!" James paced in front of the mirror, and turned around. "SIRIUS!! GET THE FUCK UP!!"

"Mu?" Sirius mumbled, flopping over.

"I said: Get up!!" James walked over and yanked the covers of him "Thank merlin you don't sleep naked!"

"Sod. Off" Sirius muttered, looking over at his watch "It's three in the morning, you idiot"

"I know! I'm preparing for the date!!" James said excitedly "What do you think of this outfit"

"Sorry, Sirius isn't available at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you" He mumbled, putting the pillow over his head.

"Fine. Yeah, hi Sirius, it's James. GET UP!!"

"NEVER!!"

"UP!! UP!!"

Sirius groaned, and threw a mug at him.

"Ooh look!! Is that…." James paused, thinking "Amelia Bones?! Naked?!"

"It's probably Peter cross-dressing again" Sirius muttered.

"I- okay, you're telling me about that later, but I mean…" He pointed to a vase "Those boobs!"

"WHERE?!?" Sirius shot up, and looked around "Where?!"

"Nowhere, now what do you think of _this_?" James asked

"What the hell?" Sirius stared at James "That's a leprechaun outfit."

"I know!" James said proudly, looking down at his shiny boots, and tweaking his bright green hat "Do you think Lily will like it?"

"Um… It's….Pretty?"

"LIAR!!" James schreeched

"What? Well, what do you want me to say?"

"You always lie! I mean, what happened with Lucy?" James pointed at Sirius accusingly.

"I told you, nothing!"

"LIAR!"

"You guys!" Remus muttered, throwing his mug at them.

"Where are all these mugs coming from?!" James looked around.

"Shut up, and let me kip" Sirius flopped onto his bed, only to be poked.

"What about this?" James smiled.

Sirius blinked "Why are you wearing Peters Cinderella outfit?"

"No reason"

* * *

At a more reasonable hour.

James, Sirius, Peter and Lupin were walking into Hogsmeade. James seemed to be moderately cool about everything.

"So, this is it!" Peter squeaked.

"Yup" Lupin nodded, turning to James "Nervous?"

"Nope, everything's going to okay" He smiled.

"Off you go then" Sirius pushed him forward "Go take her to a nice cafe"

"Yup" James strolled forward.

"Come on, let's go get a couple of butterbeers" Lupin walked forwards, with Sirius and Peter walking after him.

* * *

Twenty minutes later.

Sirius, Lupin and Peter were all relaxing with a drink clutched in their hands.

"HELP ME!!"

"Did you hear something?" Sirius swung around to see James in the doorway, looking flustered.

"WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?!" James sprinted into the three broomsticks.

"Trouble?" Lupin asked calmly.

"I- it's- a disaster!"

"Oh god, he's hyperventilating again" Peter muttered.

"James!!" Sirius yelled.

"Oh my god, she's gonna kill me!!" James shrieked.

"What the hell's the actual problem?" Lupin asked.

"I don't know whether to order food or not, if my breath is fresh, diet butterbeer or normal-"

"So you're having a nervous breakdown?" Sirius stared at James.

"YES!!"

"For merlins sake!!!"

* * *

Ten minutes later.

"So… Cool dog" Lily nodded.

"Yeah, it's called…. Padfo- OW!!!" James yelled out in pain as the dog bit his leg.

"Um… Padfo?" Lily frowned.

James nodded "Yup, I called him Padfo"

"Oh. Hello!" Lily cooed, patting Sirius (Disguised) on the head.

"_I feel this may go well" _Sirius thought, barking loudly.

* * *

Okay, so that's the chapter, and I plan to add more, please review.

Have a great Christmas, and a really good new year! 2008 here we come!!

-ivy-


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